i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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