I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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