I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
