so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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