he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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