i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
