I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
