be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize