how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm like, not good at living.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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