we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
