My first STD was from a foam party
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
