whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
