frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
