Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
