you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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