I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
