I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
