did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
