Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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