she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
