Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
