A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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