is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
