Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize