I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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