This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Shame is for Republicans.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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