My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My feet surprised me
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