hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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