I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
