I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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