non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
