Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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