I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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