your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
