I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
