she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
