A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
