you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
