ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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