A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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