There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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