ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
