did you get engaged???
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
high people should be assigned attendants
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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