My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I am morally bankrupt
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
