Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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