After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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