Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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