Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
