I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My bed smells like the plague
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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