just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
