How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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