Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
