I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
