Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
