so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
