Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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