If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why didn't you poke me back
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
