shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
