I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
