We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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