I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
