At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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