i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
