No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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