can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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