I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
