so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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