You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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