There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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