i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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