I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
