So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
