you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
