Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
